welp,

that was some bullshit,

actually maybe it wasn't.

i don't think it was, but for the time being i'd like to call it that.

and maybe a little later i look back and tell myself that without bullshit we wouldn't have the colorful flowers and the green grass.

after all, they do use manure for planting things right?

i get it now.

i'm finally coming to terms with understanding that you can't always get what ya want.

as much as i attempt to drown it out

it's buoyancy is in a rage to surface the question of truth

i forgot why i was drowning it in the first place

luggage

i'd say that i'd like to have my luggage back,

i've been waiting for two familiar bags.

my ride is here, and we've been waiting at this baggage claim for some time now.

who needs luggage?

i laughed at myself when i thought back to when i believed i needed it.

who needs luggage

i am a sunken ship resting in a field of jasmines.

sometimes I feel alone. Some days are long and hard. But when I look out into the world, I am struck by the impossible beauty of it all. Those billions of magnificent accidents that led us to where we are today, that led us to the paper planes and nautilus shells and the tiny, crooked smiles of children,

When I think about all the small perfections of the world, I have faith that my time will come.

I have faith that someday, a warm light will flood over me and I will find peace.

- All my friends are dead.

take what you can

I'm not your umbrella in san diego that you only think about when it's hardly raining,

i'm not your pair of gloves that you keep to the side,

i'm not yoke that you discard because you only like the whites

i'm not the forgotten rat trap you set last month

i'm not the ten foot elephant you killed only for my two 3 foot tusks.

i'm surely not a beggar,

i'm surely not the tab that you tear off of your soda can,

i'm surely not a human being that doesn't mind.

take what you can.

i wrote a note.

eggs

i actually dispersed them out, i put them in different baskets and labeled their hard white shells. each basket for something different, i just didn't know what they were for.
you know how they say to never put all your eggs in one basket?

well i didn't,

my eggs were infested with salmonella.


typical bradley luck.



i gotta stop reading into things man!





oh, and i really hate eggs.

i'm just nice.
that's all i'll ever try to be.
that's all i want to be.

lets go get donuts and eat them on the beach.

lets go to a movie.

lets drive around in your semi.

lets talk about elvis and bob dylan.

tell me about what you think...

dad.

leaf

it was just a sound of the wind as it rushes by the trees, causing their leafs to fall all around me. I'd seen this happen before, many times.

i'd stand below the tilted eucalyptus in my front yard and tried to catch the leafs like a baseball player trying to catch a pop fly as the ball is masked by the sun, although this time i had no sun,

i was impaired by fermented sugar.

i'd trip and sputter around.

but, either way intoxicated or not, those leafs were really hard to catch.

although tonight as i was sitting enjoying my cold brew, as leaf fell upon my lap.

i looked up and cursed the tree i sat under,

i wanted a challenge, i wanted to dance back and forth and to reach out my begging hands and finally grasp that leaf that the tree shook off.

instead of embracing this leaf that fell upon my lap,

i crumbled it, lit it on fire and stomped on it.

there are some things that need to be embraced,

and there are some things that fall upon your lap,(without any acknowledgment that they were there in the first place that they were there)

that need to be let go.

there indeed are many more fish in the sea

it was a hot mess,

as the situation danced around me like lost moths.

i continually dance down isles and rows, as if i were in a grocery store, and the items i picked out resembled the ideas and different points of view in which i could clearly see the difference.

my eyes would dash back and forth as if i were a spectator at a tennis match,

i'd scan prices,

i'd contemplate as i stood blocking the isle,

i shouldn't have.

it's up to me.

just for now

tonight i sat outside in my front yard,

admiring the moths as they dash towards the lights like cold people do to a bon fire.

i noticed the growth of the grasses and weeds, that stood tall like the redwoods, i pondered off about how the rains had made them sprout up.

they carefully release their seeds to the wind, and let nature take it's course.

i turned around, and thought to myself that it's just a course of nature,

as the heat will one day return and wither them away, and my front yard would then look like a field of just dust and rocks, and the gofer holes will be scattered like acne among the lot of land.

i'm figuring out that these situations in my life, these tough times, these amazing times, are all times that last as long as my so called garden will in my front yard.

but new things will arise, as my relationships resemble seeds that become planted,

whether they die, or become an amazing sort of plant,

it's all just a course of nature,

things will appear again, and then some things won't

so, as for now,

i'm admiring my garden as the bugs and lizards frolic in their forest.

i can legally buy alcohol now.

lets go out for a drink.

cheers

sometimes i like being alone.

i'm just waiting.

creative writing

i had to write this poem for creative writing,

i think it sucks,

and maybe you might too,

but,

however this situation is saddening to me,

His eyes were painted yellow like the dandelions she grew in her garden

His teeth were stained a tangerine orange,

His toe nails were curved hawks talons,

His breath smelled of fierce alcohol,

His veins showed, and danced around wildly,

His legs looked pregnant,

His bottle of alcohol was his sad sidekick,

His wallet was his pride,

His wife is dying.

it never works out.

ever.

i expected to see him on the couch,

sprawled out on the couch like a rug, he quickly shit his eyes before i turned on the light.

i removed the pillow what was graciously resting his head,

every breath he took was sacred, like as if buddha himself were meditating.

i stroked his velvet like ears, rubbed his belly and spoke kind words to him.

he opened his eyes, and all i could see was the red-like tissue that kept his eyes in place.

other than the back of his head, his eyes were no where to be found,

but i found myself rubbing his belly, as if i were rubbing one of those buddhists belly for good luck, but i know whats coming,

he won't be here forever, the evidence shows,

his grey hairs looked more apparent, i wouldn't have to search for them, and it' s not like i was looking for a four leaf clover.

he paused,

i paused,

he exhaled, and i followed.

thank god.

he's going fast, faster than i think.

bailey,

my first puppy, why must you show signs of decay?

you don't trot around like you used to back in the day.

i'm drunk....

good night,

cheers.

sifting through the crinkled napkins that resembled leaves, the yellow and red stains complemented each other,

i'd throw them away in the trash that smelled like burger juice and bright orange paprika sauce.

i'd take the scratched plates and stack them next to the sink,

the hot waters vapor would slither up and hug my face, often times creating a diverse mix between sweat and oil.

i somehow knew that this wold be a routine i'd face.

and now i am currently sifting through the people in my life,

discard or keep.

keep, acknowledge, wish you hadn't then weep.

mad

your head is over there,

and mines is right here.

come talk to me when you have your shit squared away and i might tell you to fuck off.

or i might tell you to come in from the rain.

i don't know why i fell for you.

"who will love you?

who will fight?"

i fell behind.