Thursday, October 8, 2009

i remember those nights,
those nights i'd be up till the sun finally peeks over the hills and touches my face through the rag-like fog,
i was so solemnly stirred by the events, my eyes fixated on the ceiling above me,
the abandoned dishes in the sink, still yearning for a kind sole to rub the grease and crumbs that hugged their sides,
my hair was unwashed, my faces held more than a stubble, my breath contained that of nicotine and tar,
my stomach churning from the lack of nutrients it needed before the day hit,
i'd walk through my still sleeping house, occasionally stubbing my toes on the furniture stained from the oil my dog would imprint on it,
i'd peer out the front window, and gaze upon the front yard, to check if the light from the sun had reached it,
i'd stumble into my room, frantically looking for my lighter that contained a single drop of lighter fluid to get me what i needed.
i'd use matches,
i'd burn the cigarette down to it's final leaf,
i'd sit and wait for a sign,
i'd sit and wonder if i'd receive and words or hugs from that of a friend or family,
i'd brush my feet on the grainy gravel as if my feet were that of a foxes tail brushing the grain of a wheat stock as he walked by,
i'd stand up, open the car door, search for water bottles,
i'd mumble the lyrics to a sad song,

and all of this, all of it,
may return one day,

it was real,
the most honest and frigid feeling i'd ever experience,

i'd watch the moon as it sits in a force of gravity that only god himself did make,
and then i'd ponder off what it was that made me shake.

this just came out of me.

and now a toast:
May your thoughts be kind
May your knots unwind
May your dogs drink wine
May your days kill time

And may your fears go blind
As your regret rewinds
A little peace of mind
May you wake to find

good night,

Sunday, October 4, 2009

i hunched up my shoulders and leaped through the puddles that collected on the floor,
i had made my way to the tall, annoying, and loud doors that only brought comfort to you as you stood in the freezing cold and opened them only to feel the warm push of air against your face.
i went for a walk, the cold air punching me in the face, and the cracking sounds of the leaves below me, their autumn colors were warm, but i always was in wonder as to why the leaves of fall warm colored when it's simply not warm outside?

i miss hungary.
i'm alone now.
i was back then.
my life lacks beauty.