i expected to see him on the couch,

sprawled out on the couch like a rug, he quickly shit his eyes before i turned on the light.

i removed the pillow what was graciously resting his head,

every breath he took was sacred, like as if buddha himself were meditating.

i stroked his velvet like ears, rubbed his belly and spoke kind words to him.

he opened his eyes, and all i could see was the red-like tissue that kept his eyes in place.

other than the back of his head, his eyes were no where to be found,

but i found myself rubbing his belly, as if i were rubbing one of those buddhists belly for good luck, but i know whats coming,

he won't be here forever, the evidence shows,

his grey hairs looked more apparent, i wouldn't have to search for them, and it' s not like i was looking for a four leaf clover.

he paused,

i paused,

he exhaled, and i followed.

thank god.

he's going fast, faster than i think.

bailey,

my first puppy, why must you show signs of decay?

you don't trot around like you used to back in the day.

i'm drunk....

good night,

cheers.

sifting through the crinkled napkins that resembled leaves, the yellow and red stains complemented each other,

i'd throw them away in the trash that smelled like burger juice and bright orange paprika sauce.

i'd take the scratched plates and stack them next to the sink,

the hot waters vapor would slither up and hug my face, often times creating a diverse mix between sweat and oil.

i somehow knew that this wold be a routine i'd face.

and now i am currently sifting through the people in my life,

discard or keep.

keep, acknowledge, wish you hadn't then weep.

mad

your head is over there,

and mines is right here.

come talk to me when you have your shit squared away and i might tell you to fuck off.

or i might tell you to come in from the rain.

i don't know why i fell for you.

"who will love you?

who will fight?"

i fell behind.