in the forest, we stepped over dead branches that once we're held by the towering trees above us, we walked.

at the beach, we watched the clouds on the horizon distort the sun as we waved it goodbye and said hello to the fog,

in the dorms, we consumed and were merry,

and all of this, was so good.

there's so much i didn't see that i should have,

but i'll experience it when i get there.

distance kills.

as we sat down for our usual dinner comprising of tacos and homemade salsa, the candles flickered, and then the flies began to appear.

like a battle, i swatted them away, while my attention shifted from the conversation to the flies,

i knew that for some odd reason the conversation would change.

my mother began to get teary eyed,

"we'll never know." she said,

"and it's sad, she just might not make it." and then a stare began to exist on her face,

her eyes turned rosy red, and tears started to form,

i wanted to get a cup and start collecting them.

i wanted to reach across the table and give her a hug, the kind of hug that would let her rest her chin upon my shoulder as her tears rolled down onto my shirt.

i lost my appetite.

our eyes rested not on one another, but we all held blank stares,

a peered over at my mom,

a frightening came as rapid as the rain clouds do.

in my head, i depicted the memory of everyone gathered around in a dimly lit room,

our champagne glasses filled to the top, our smiles from ear to ear, our eyes all fixated on our grandmother.

everyone gathered around.

and that's the way i want it to stay, for a long while

the only thing i knew were not the answers on a chemical stained lab manuel that revealed halfway scribbled sentences, i peered around the room to equate in my mind wether or not everyone else was working as hard as i was.

as if community college really makes you work that hard.

my lab partner was an ambitious young lady that had a very loud personality. she had a round face, large eyes, and a tongue piercing that she played with constantly. we exchanged answers, played tic tac toe, fought over the microscope and joked about how out dated out professors jokes were.

once half of the lab was over we were waiting for the other to finish up, when she stated she didn't have a car. being the person i was i oferd her a ride home, which was on the way to my house.

i introduced her to my car and we sped off,

while on the way we had mentioned to each other that we recognized each other from somewhere, but it didn't amount to anything, and we probably will never figure out if we knew each other from before.

as we pulled up to her drive way, i peered through the trees to find a really large house, and three car garage, 3 cars, and a very large two story house. it stuck out like a sore thumb.

"holy crap!", i stated, "what the hell do your parents do?"

i can not go on with the rest,

but i'm sure my expression to the answer that she gave me surely changes her mind about the way i see her,

but, i'm sure she gets the same reactions from other people, or maybe she doesn't maybe i'm different.

do i believe her answer?

slightly.

wow.

it pretty much changed my day.

cheers

i had felt as if i had seen him before,

his straight narrow face, this hair comprised of many streams on dreadlocks that seemed to flow like tiny rivers down his head and onto his shoulders meeting the sea which resembled his blue shirt,

his tone of voice, which actually brought a little comfort and serenity.

the way he played, and held himself was very familiar.

as i acknowledged these things, i had thought back to my days of pushing shopping carts in a busy hot parking lot.

i'd gather carts with a friend named tony, who, was shorter than me, with a stocky built body, and hair that he kept in his hat.

wonderful young man. we often pondered the meaning of life as we dodged cars shifting in reverse out of the oil filled parking spot.

he was high most of the time, his eyes were covered by his oakly shades, but really, who isn't high at henrys in chula vista?

as my nostalgic phase blew away with the wind highly heavied by the aroma of marijuana, i began to ponder off.

i watched the band play, heard their hi-hat off beats that fell into a syncopated rhythm with the palm muted chords.

people big their dances around me while i bobbed my head to the beat, with sweat drops dripping right off of my chin, people were all over, different kinds,

i could feel the oceans breeze, as if it were a gift. the sun beat down on my nose and arms.

as the band ended one of their songs, i felt a large vibe of peacefulness surround this place much like a piece of plastic wrap covers my half eaten burrito.

all i could see in the other spectators eyes was red, as in, they were high.

i had no horrible feelings about my surrounds what so ever,

nor did i smoke, nor was i offered any.

it saddens me when i think about the only time i've ever felt complete peacefulness in the people surrounding me was at a raggae concert at the beach.

how utterly sad.

why, is it, that i can't walk into a friken coffee shop anywhere in southern california and be judged or looked at because i'm wearing something that doesn't look good on me?

why is this?

maybe it's me,

maybe it's you,

but i think that this southern california place would be a little more awesome if we had the peacefulness and the openness as if everywhere we went was in fact that raggae concert.

who cares about weed.

and sometimes it saddens me to think that people need weed in order to be peaceful.

we have it in us,

the peacefulness i mean.

it's there.

i dare you to show it.

i will strive from this day forward to be a more nicer human being to anyone and everyone i encounter.

time for humboldt

time for bed.

let me know what you think.

cheers.

p.s. "if i only had a brain" the tin man

i stumbled through my dark desolate kitchen into what was his room.

i reached around the door post to flip on on of the many switches,

i hoped to god that it wouldn't turn on,

it didn't.

i didn't want to see an abandoned room.

but through the dark i had an idea of what it looked like.

a beat up mini fridge, unplugged and centered in the room.

if his stuff was still there it would have been placed right next to his dusty t.v.

you will be missed larry.

you might not think so, but we're looking out for you.

cheers

my sea is dying, but death is a doorway

and at the very root of my i know this, i know this,

it's the greatest reminder,

what a broad world to roam in,

what a sea to swim in

the ever so elegant motions of rising and sinking, the panic, the tiring, the brutal up right mountains that force themselves upon you, it all consists of simple water molecules, oxygen and hydrogen, sometimes can be the most forceful energy.

i'm only stating this because i ate total shit today, a couple of times.

my sheer love for the ocean and it's waves have increased over time.

but there's something deeper than that.

i almost parallel it with my absolute love for people.

for one, i can say that i have had a terrible day, all because of people, but that's something i'm not getting into.

screw it,

this is what i'm trying to say,

i love people,

i love the ocean,

people are natural,

the ocean is natural,

people get us down,

the ocean gets us down,

sometimes people surprise us,

sometimes the ocean surprises us,

people are filled with energy,

the ocean is....yada yada yada

bottom line,

i love people, and i'd do anything to help them, and love them.

i love the ocean, and no matter what, it will always tear me up, but i'll always return,

i swear my writing is crap.

cheers.