i expected to see him on the couch,

sprawled out on the couch like a rug, he quickly shit his eyes before i turned on the light.

i removed the pillow what was graciously resting his head,

every breath he took was sacred, like as if buddha himself were meditating.

i stroked his velvet like ears, rubbed his belly and spoke kind words to him.

he opened his eyes, and all i could see was the red-like tissue that kept his eyes in place.

other than the back of his head, his eyes were no where to be found,

but i found myself rubbing his belly, as if i were rubbing one of those buddhists belly for good luck, but i know whats coming,

he won't be here forever, the evidence shows,

his grey hairs looked more apparent, i wouldn't have to search for them, and it' s not like i was looking for a four leaf clover.

he paused,

i paused,

he exhaled, and i followed.

thank god.

he's going fast, faster than i think.

bailey,

my first puppy, why must you show signs of decay?

you don't trot around like you used to back in the day.

i'm drunk....

good night,

cheers.

sifting through the crinkled napkins that resembled leaves, the yellow and red stains complemented each other,

i'd throw them away in the trash that smelled like burger juice and bright orange paprika sauce.

i'd take the scratched plates and stack them next to the sink,

the hot waters vapor would slither up and hug my face, often times creating a diverse mix between sweat and oil.

i somehow knew that this wold be a routine i'd face.

and now i am currently sifting through the people in my life,

discard or keep.

keep, acknowledge, wish you hadn't then weep.

mad

your head is over there,

and mines is right here.

come talk to me when you have your shit squared away and i might tell you to fuck off.

or i might tell you to come in from the rain.

i don't know why i fell for you.

"who will love you?

who will fight?"

i fell behind.

my mind was as clouded as the fog while i was driving down my street to enter my driveway.

i rubbed my unshaved face, prickly like a cactus.

i braked, only to notice that i didn't want to end up at home.

i lapped the block several times while trying to come to peace with everything that was happening around me...

nope.

not this time.

we were all

stalks of corn in a corn field. we all faced each other, we had smiles as wide as the columns of dirt that separated us. we were all elegantly swaying back and forth as the wind blew, the wind would stir up hurricanes of dirt and dust, it wasn't so bad, for it was good at times cause it blew our unneeded leafs away, they'd twirl and twist out of sight and they were carried up like balloons into the atmosphere. but sometimes the winds were not fun, mother nature would force her winds upon us, and give us a rough time, she'd come at any time of day, pushing us, wrestling us to the ground, our smiles never disappeared as we'd cushion one another's fall. the sun would shine down on us, as if a blanket of warmth wrapped us up. as if a mother were tenderly wrapping her baby up. we had not a single care. and all we could do was smile at one another. that was my dream.

sometimes it's hopeless.

the moths fly back and forth the computer screen with their lightly powdered wings.

i stared off at the light posts, i noticed the solemn trees.

the cigarette burned down like a dry forest.

the fog disappears as it elegantly raps around the house.

not noticing the clock and it's numbers slip by me.

the uncertainty of things in life.

talks deeper than the ocean.

talks as shallow as tide pools.

new friends.

old dog.

new dog.

new songs.

old songs.

yerba mate.