Sunday, May 10, 2009

she is not old

As I parked my brothers car in the ever so familiar neighborhood, I couldn't help but to think that one day this all might be gone.
I walked up the tattered steps, passed by a slip and slide that looked as if it had been scorched by the sun, and contemplated very quickly on whether I was going to ring the doorbell or just walk straight in.
I walked straight in.
And the ever so recognizable decibel of the chit chattering and the small talk hit me like a storm.
I wasn't feeling like I belonged.
But, as I turned the corner smiling at familiar faces and while hugging family members going through my routine of greeting:
"Hey! How are you?"
"Nice to see you!"
I felt as if it was old as stones.
But, I couldn't help to feel loved as I was greeted with warm hugs, and invites to eat and drink and be merry.

I took a couple of chips and dipped them into the freshly made green guacamole, and salsa, that, in fact, never gets old.
I sat down in the sun for a while striking up small talk,
Observing the family members as they mingled and swam in the pool that's reflection of the sun could in fact give you a sun burn.

I sat there for a while, tired, and very much worn out. I'm guessing my heart wasn't in the place for family.
But, as I think of it, I really do take them for granite.

As my 90 year old grandma, loose on the knees, walked up to the door, I couldn't help to give her the warmest greeting of all.
Very much heart-felt.
I love her to death.
If it was anybody in the family who knew me and what was going on in my life as well as my mom did, it was her.
I visit her every Thursday, we sit and chat, sometimes I even feel so compelled to share the bible with her.
And I can tell that she very much enjoys it.
She has some really weak knees, it's sad to see her once so fit to be tied, going on walks with us, taking us to the park, buying us endless meals at taco bell, baby sitting us, and doing things that grandmothers know how to do best: Love.

A couple issues have sparkled on her health record though, and this isn't a good sparkle either.
She's been having more and more health issues,
the family does what they can to make sure she's taken care of though.

On this particular day, she felt so eager to show the family the pictures of her recent trip to texas however,
the only thing that held her back from showing us was the flight of stairs she had to battle in order for us to show us.

As we brought up the flight of stairs, and our concerns for her weak knees, she quickly reacted:
"I can do it, but I'll have to take a nap after"
So, half of the family stood up, at least five people helped her walk to the stairs.
Might as well just picked her up.
As fragile as my grandmother's physical ailment is, she's got the world to conquer with her mind and experiences.
As everyone gathered around to view this somewhat daunting secene, I backed off, and sat by the pool, not wanting to see her get hurt.
I guess I underestimated my Grandma.
After she had made it up the stairs, I decided to go take a look at the pictures.
When we were all finished we headed to the stairs.
I didn't have confidence that I could help her down, in which I kinda looked back and wish I could have been there.
But this time I watched.
My mother warned me Aunt:
"careful Tracy, keep an eye on heer feet, she sometimes misses the thresholds."
Not a word was spoken after that.
She made it down safe in sound.

It didn't seem like that big of a task to her.
We sat by the pool after that.
Just her and I.
I sat in silence.
I must have forgotten.
I'm pretty sure she never forgets.

I left early.
Came home.
Talked to a beautiful young lady.
Played guitar.
Took a nap.
Should have taken a walk.

I seem to be forgetting things these days.
Don't know whats up with me.

That guacamole was killer though.


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